Help For A Troubled Relationship

by Hopeful Romantic on September 11, 2009

in Troubled Relationships

Are you just pretending to be happy? Maybe you are not being honest with either yourself or your partner about your feelings. If you are in a relationship and feeling confused about your feelings, that could be a sign of a troubled relationship. You might think the relationship has run its course, and you might be hiding your true feelings and feeling guilty about it.

If where once there was a lot of love, now there are a lot of mixed feelings, you need to brainstorm and decide what is at the root of these feelings. Are you just going through a restless period, or are there real problems in your relationship?

Decide What YOU Want Out Of A Relationship

Start by deciding what is important to you, those things you consider most important in a relationship. Write them down, making a list of what you want out of a relationship. Obvious needs include not being cheated on or abused. Maybe not so obvious is not wanting to feel like your partner is ignoring you or taking you for granted.

People want different things in a relationship, and while one person may crave excitement, another romance, or maybe someone is looking for a more intellectual or spiritual union. Whatever appeals to you, whatever you feel you need to feel happy in a relationship, put it on your list.

Making A List And Checking It Twice

Once you’ve made your list, scrutinize it item by item. Which of the things you have listed are absolute needs, and which are more “would be nice to have” and then there might even be those dreamy-eyed, “Sure would be ideal, but can live without them”?

Remember, you are not going to find a perfect match. Even a soul mate is not perfect. We are all human and have our imperfections, even you. So don’t ask for a perfect partner. Think rather of the perfect partner for YOU.

Another thing to keep in mind is you can’t expect a partner to make you happy. You have to decide for yourself what makes your happy, and decide if you want to be happy. Your partner can’t live your life for you, or be the be all and end all of your life that makes you happy. Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

That being said, neither should you endure a troubled relationship that brings you nothing but grief.

So going through your list, and deciding which of the things you have listed that you absolutely need for sure in a relationship, does your present relationship have those things?

The answer is probably going to be no, or you wouldn’t be having such feelings of discontent.

Can This Relationship Be Saved?

Help A Troubled RelationshipSo, if you have a troubled relationship, the next question is, “Can it be fixed?” Take a step back, try to look at the relationship as objectively as you can. Are the problems minor or major?

If they are minor, talk with your partner. make sure to keep the lines of communication open. Discuss what you feel you need in a relationship and see if there are ways to change things so you can both feel good about how the relationship is progressing.

However, if things are really bad in your relationship, maybe you need to separate temporarily so you can have some space and time to think about the situation and decide if the relationship can be fixed or it’s not worth saving.

It’s unfortunate, but sometimes the relationship really is past saving. Perhaps you have grown too far apart, or were drawn together by a physical attraction that didn’t move to an emotional bond.

Taking Action To Fix A Troubled Relationship

If the relationship has to end, don’t let it discourage you. There is someone who is just right, who will be a partner that fits your list of needs. Not perfect, but able to build a good relationship.

Just don’t bail out before you’re positive you have such a troubled relationship it can’t be saved. Talk with your partner and try to take steps to fix the problems. See if you can move the relationship in a positive direction.

One way or another, seek to end a troubled relationship, either by fixing the problems, or ending it.

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